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"Yep, it's a good, strong heartbeat too!" he said, with a grin, adding, "You must have ovulated late." It's all I could muster, mouth open, tears streaming down my face. It was like my stomach had leapt up into my chest. You know those times where things echo inside your head and it feels like you're in a dream, spinning around and out of control? "There it is! There's the heartbeat" my obstetrician said. I hopped up on that bed again and felt the cold gel against my stomach and I was not prepared for what happened next. "Portable ultrasound machine accuracy rate at 8 weeks" "Chances of healthy baby after no heartbeat at 8 weeks" I googled a range of terms searching for the same sliver of hope: It couldn't even eject what wasn't meant to be, but instead held onto it with no bleeding or pain. I was a ticking time bomb, yet again, waiting for my body to do what it isn't capable of doing. The more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself I'd had another missed miscarriage. The second line on the pregnancy test took so long to come up that I initially thought it was negative - surely that was a sign of low HCG.? I may have slept through a few nights without having to get up to go to the toilet. I wasn't feeling as nauseous as I did with my boys. I started to consider other hints that it wasn't going to end well. In my head, it was a certainty and all I could do was prepare myself for it. That was the first step, followed by enduring the bad news again, and then getting through another D&C. I went home with the aim to get through the next 10 days. After all, google said a heartbeat is usually detected between six and eight weeks.Ĭlaire, with Samuel and Charlie - one of the few photos of her pregnant - at four months. I, too, was calm, but certain it was happening all over again.

He had a beautiful, calming nature, and said there's no point in stressing, but we would just have to wait and repeat the ultrasound. "I've seen it come good before." he said as he scrunched up his face and tilted his head in thought. I asked him how often this had happened, and how many of those went on to have healthy babies. I crossed my fingers with one hand, clutched my husband's with the other and we both watched the screen.Īfter a few minutes of fiddling around with the ultrasound, my obstetrician took a deep breath.

I climbed up onto the bed, hoping there would be a heartbeat. I also googled, "When should ultrasound detect foetal heartbeat?" and decided I would time my next appointment around eight weeks, which was generally past the point where we could be told those dreaded five words again.